Pill-Billies (Discover this Summer's naughtiest read...) Page 7

  We're running out of gas. We're running out of space. We're running out of food. The storms are getting worse. The earthquakes are getting more frequent. There's global warming. There's a round table of BP OIL execs chuckling at a spew that is killing the gulf coast mercilessly. There's trash floating in masses the size of Texas everywhere and there's diseases. Are they that blind to their own narcissism? That's what I think. I'm tired of everybody thinking women are so great and wonderful. We are not. We are just human. We are imperfect and we are impermanent. Most of us have no ambition whatsoever other than to be a uterus to rent out for some asshole that we delude ourselves into quote unquote loving.

  I refuse to get lassoed by my reflection's desire to be viewed longer. I escape that portal. I uncoil the lashes. I toughen up for bed and the dreaded thing I toss called sleep. It's really more like an eight hour game of think-and-drift-off, in here. Nothing stops the ticking, in here. There are school clocks everywhere lining the dull green walls and corridors of this hotel prison. I had to give Tori a boost to help Staff change the hands forward an hour last month. That day we got along. She was sober and lucid. The next day we went back to abnormal. Tomorrow is the last day. I can't believe it. The pick-up time is 11:00 a.m. Graduation is at ten. They actually invite family and loved ones to stay for lunch in the prisony cafeteria! What a joke! I told Richard and Brooke that we are going straight to the house. Richard says he has a huge surprise for us girls. We scream at the top of our lungs as we hop in Richard's brand new convertible, black, four-seater Sebring with the leather tan interior. We loved that car. Richard and I had picked it out before I got busted. He went back and bought it. We squealed as we tossed our bags in. We showered him with kisses on the cheeks. Brooke had leis for us to wear from the party store. She also had four burger king crowns. One said, in black sharpie, "Princess Brooke." Another said, "Lady Tori." Mine said "Queen Sissy." Richard's said "King Richard." We put them on and peeled out of the parking lot as Richard fired up a big cherry blunt. I started crying hard. Strange tears I forgot could come, the liquid joy. Good hurt. Richard pulls over and turns down "Yellowman's Greatest Hits."

  "Baby? What's wrong?"

  "I'm…I'm….so..happy…..right now…I love y'all so much…" Then, I got all of them at once, boo-hooing. We held each other and just let all the big hurt go. Nobody rushed. Nobody went for the tissues in the glove box usually reserved for the occasional coke-nosebleed. Nobody patted backs or said reassuring bullshit. Nobody said nothing. It was beautiful silence. It was therapeutic. I was back in love with my life. I knew at that point I didn't need Louisville. That was just a trap. I need to stay here with what I know. I just need to listen to reggae and smoke weed more.

  "Y'all, I'm tired of being a drug addict. I quit doing pills. Okay? Will y'all quit, too? Let's do it. Let's live. I don't want y'all to die like my Burton did. I'm for real. Let's at least cut back some. Can we at least do that? Have a safety watch? Nobody dies. No overdoses? And, we need to get Pig Paul to gain weight. Call him, Baby."

  "Okay, Baby. He said he's coming to see you!"

  "Is he over in Berea, with those college dudes?"

  "Yeah…"

  "Drop us off and go get him, Baby. Will you? For me?"

  "Of course, baby! I'll go get him. He can come stay at the house and party with us. Your Dad just called me and said he and Terry and Big Ben are coming with David's Uncle to smoke with us and drink Silver Bullets. Baby? You are forgettin' I got a surprise. She has no idea, huh? Brooke Baby? That's what we call Brooke, y'all…"

  We bust out laughing.

  "Uh! What's my name King Dick?" Tori pouts from the back.

  "Awe, my bad! We will call you Mistress Tori-kat, how's that sound?"

  "I reckon that shall do..but I am in charge, right?"

  We all salute, "Yes, Ma'am!"

  Tori laughs and grabs Richard's cheek and squeezes it. He blushes. We get to the house. There's a big black tarp over a big dirt pile right next to the house. Richard and Brooke get us out. She gets behind Tori and covers her eyes with her hands. Richard does mine. They lead us through the garage up through the kitchen and onto the deck. Richard's Marlboro-smelling cologne-hands jerk away unfurling the surprise.

  I can't believe it. He got a pool. I immediately start bawling my eyes out. Tori strips, runs down the stairs, and jumps in. We all strip down and jump in. Brooke is stunning. I had never seen her naked before all the way. I got turned on. I know Tori did, too. We dove in and swam around. The pool felt huge. It was awesome. Richard became a thousand times hotter as he got us out and into the four person hot tub. I could not stop staring at Brooke. She was gorgeous. Tori was looking, too. Brooke was shaved. Tori asked her about it. The next thing I know she is sitting on the edge of the tub and Brooke is fingering her as they swirl tongues. I scoot in closer and start reaching around to rub Tori's nipples. I kiss the nape of her neck. Then, Brooke leans in and kisses me. Tori kisses us. Richard comes out with a bottle of champagne and four glasses. He puts them down. We let Tori and Brooke get into each other. Richard is hard and enters me from behind. It feels so good. He starts reaching to grab at my big swinging boobs. I love that shit. We get in on the action with Brooke and Tori who are going at it and the next thing we know, we are fucking and sucking on the downstairs bed. It was the coolest thing I had ever done. The whole time we were blasting Shabba Ranks. Richard had all of us. He looked hot screwing Tori. I got to play with Brooke. It was incredible. She was so hot. I couldn't get enough. Her kissing was the best. Her face up close was the hottest girlface I had ever seen. She was really sexual like me. We did everything. Her body was perfect. Her folds were small, perfect, and inverted. She tasted tangy. Her boobs were as big as mine but she had smaller, sharper nipples. They were tiny but rock hard. Her skin was milky silk. Her freckles were backlighted with the flush from the rush of this incredible sex voyage we were on together. Richard had given us Ecstasy. That's what I thought it was. Oh well, it was awesome either way. I got so into Brooke I kinda forgot about Richard and Tori. Brooke and I licked and kissed our way back into their circle. Then, we just went crazy for an hour and a half. Richard had bought all these vibrators and dildo things for us. It felt so good to just let my body shiver over and over with orgasm. I was free from prison and never going back. I had found my Kentuckified Shangri-La. My life was simplified to reggae, the pool, pot, and pills. No more jail and smuggling. We will just make Paul score for us. I am determined to not leave the house. We are in the middle of nowhere anyway. We are way up the mountain. It is wonderful. The view is breathtaking and life giving. The house looks great. They had to tear down the old hunting lodge. Snakes had nested under it and the floors fell through. It looks like a maid has been here. Richard figured out Brooke simply won't stay in a gross house. She will take off. She is sweet but secretly high maintenance. He has been spoiling her. I don't blame him. Night time rolls around. We get cleaned up and changed. Daddy, Shannon, Terry, Mama, Ben, his girlfriend and David's Aunt and Uncle came over for the pool party. We grilled outside, smoked pot, and drank beer. I took a icy bong hit with my Mom. It was weird but I was rolling still so I didn't care. David's Aunt came over and told me how sorry she was about the hell David put me through and that they hoped that I knew that they loved me. I cried on her, too. I blame the X for that. She's sweet though. It touched me. Ben and his girlfriend are awesome and we have fun getting them stoned and pushing Daddy and Terry in the pool. Then, we had chicken fights. I got on Ben's shoulders and Shannon got on Daddy's. We scrapped and I won! Ben helped me by splashing Daddy's eyes so I could twist Shannon's arms down. Then, Tori got on Richard's shoulders and they kicked our butts. I looked around as I wrapped my towel around me and walked over to the cooler to get another Coors. Richard had put those citronella torches around the pool. The smell of charcoal cooking steak wafted through the air erasing the stench of Cisco lunchroom prison food I had gotten used to craving. The light in the pool flickered up from the stenciled depths
and danced on the sides of the house and the bottom of the deck. Terry, Ben, David's Aunt, and Brooke are in the hot tub laughing and high fiving. Richard and Tori are on the grill. Mama and David's Uncle are up on the deck smoking cigarettes. He is drinking a Mojito Richard made. I walk over to the beat of Toots and the Maytals's ska music. Richard puts his arm out for me.

  "Hey Babydoll! Having fun?" He smiles at me.

  "I love you." I kiss him quick on the lips.

  "I love you, too. Welcome home, sweetheart."

  I fall deeper as more tears of joy flood my face. We hold each other. I look up and see Mama looking down on me. I smile up at her and wave with my eyes. I feel peace wash me over. After we smoke the pre-dinner blunt I'm ready to eat.

  Pot made Moma mellow and fat. She has put on twenty pounds. She blames the kidney medicine. I know it's her appetite. I try to hang out with Tori more. I keep her away from my Mom. She is the type of girl that would say something if they weren't still kinda feeling the XTC tab from our graduation day party earlier today. I keep looking at Brooke thinking about how hot she is and how good her touch felt on my breasts. Tori is draped over Richard after dessert. They're getting buzzed. All the old folks start fading after dinner. We found Terry passed out in the hot tub. Daddy and Shannon were real sweet to Tori. They asked her all about her life. I cringed as I overheard Daddy telling her about what happened to Burton. He was my boy was all he had to say before I darted off to the bathroom to cry. Richard and Brooke were upstairs with everybody. They didn't see me.

  I shut the door. I surprised myself at how much I cried. I almost lost my balance reaching for the towel to wipe my face. I realized I was pretty messed up. Then, the mirror caught me like it always does. I got sucked into looking at my reflection again. I see what I always have seen. I see the tear soaked puffy cheeks of that same little girl. I realized that I'm just her all grown up. I am still fragile and vulnerable. But, like I tell people all the time unless you have lost a sibling you have no idea how excruciating it is. There have been days where I literally could not leave the house. Every single thing somehow reminded me of Burton. Those are the same days where I found myself crying and being unable to stop it. There was a period right after he died where I almost OD'ed on Oxy's. I think I was trying to kill myself to get away from the pain and the reality of losing him to drugs. The other half of me was so mad at him for getting that trashed to where he would actually die. I remember that we tried and tried to make Burton go to rehab or at least go to a therapist. He just did his usual thing of turning into a damn zombie every time you talked to him. I remember towards the end Daddy had gotten so mad with him that he had taken him to the police station to try to get him arrested for stealing. He brought a bunch of evidence mostly power tools. Burton had carefully scratched off any and all identifying information so he could get Brooke to sell them on craigslist. She looked so good and innocent guys buying the tools would email Burton asking her out!

  His paranoia paid off. They looked at the tools and could not connect any information about the owners or victims. They didn't have anything on him. They said they couldn't arrest him. He wasn't intoxicated at that time. Daddy was so frustrated. He didn't know what to do. He was watching his only son kill himself. There was nothing he could do to stop it. I will never forget that howl that came out of my father the day Burton died. I was the one that had to tell him the news. Even though all of us weren't surprised that he had accidentally killed himself on drugs it still didn't matter. We were all so shocked and devastated that he was actually dead. The worst part was Shannon collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital. She had what they were calling a panic attack. I remember she tried so hard to get through to Burt but nobody could. He was unreachable. I also remember Mama going crazy that day trying to kill me. I get mad thinking about it. It was just out of grief that she did that. She was out for blood that day. She didn't even realize that Burton is the one that got me into doing drugs not the other way around. She always thought that it was me that started giving him pills and letting him get obliterated. But, it wasn't. He was giving pills to me and Brooke. He never offered any to Ben. I guess he picked up on Ben being the type of guy that didn't want anything to do with that. The worst part about my brother is the way he lost his mind. It was a slow but steady melt down. I think I first noticed that Burton was becoming a pill zombie around age 14. His eyes were glassed over constantly. You could tell that he was on something. He mumbled. He never really spoke. He's very quiet and inside his own mind. Brooke is the only one that ever got him talking. Burton didn't even bother wearing sunglasses to cover up the way his eyes looked. He would wear all of his Kentucky football fan clothes. He looked like a clean-cut jock. He never played the sports. He was too pilled out. The thing that always makes me cry the hardest is the memories of us when we were real little. I remember that we were both riding our big wheels around. It was when Mama and Daddy were still together. We were both real little. I just remember Burton riding all the way down the driveway. When I think about it now that's all I see that little kid disappearing on the big wheel, around the bushes at the end of the driveway. I just see the little boy that we lost way too young. I just remember the innocent child that he was. I can't even picture his grown-up face without making myself nauseated. When he died his face was gaunt and sunken in. He looked like a skeleton with just a little bit of skin left on it. His eyeballs kind of bulged out from his head. At work, there was an old man that died one day. When I went in his room he was sitting up dead in his bed just like Burton was. I freaked out screaming. He looked like one of those Incan mummies that I saw on National Geographic. The ones that are sitting up that they found in Peru. The look of death on my brother is an image that should have scared me away from doing all these drugs. But, the addict inside doesn't care who dies as long as you're still alive to hurt. That little monster that lives in my head who is going to kill me if I don't get control of it killed my brother. It was still hungry. I think I just want to smoke pot from now on and give up all of this other shit. I wash my face so momma won't be able to tell I was crying. My eyes looked puffy. I'm starting to feel really tired. I realized that the ecstasy has worn off completely. I just have acid reflux from drinking beer. I feel like crap. I just want to go to bed. By the time I make it back upstairs everybody is starting to leave. We say our goodbyes to each other. Everybody gets in their cars and drives off. I look around at Richard, Tori, and Brooke. They look like crap. Richard goes and gets us all a big bottle of water to drink. We rehydrate ourselves and figure out where everybody's going to sleep. We decide that for tonight Tori and Richard are going to sleep in his bed. Me and Brooke are going to sleep in the guest room. We go to bed and later that night I hear Richard and Tori having sex. I start to go in there to join them but I decide to just sleep instead. I put my headphones on to drown out the sex noises. I lean over and put my arms around Brooke and pull her to me. She melts into my arms. The next thing I know we are both naked and having sex. We don't use any of the toys on each other just our tongues and fingers. We both have an orgasm after fooling around for a long time. We go to sleep naked holding each other. Brooke kisses me and tells me that she loves me. I tell her that I love her, too. We decide to let Tori and Richard have each other. She and I are going to stay in our room from now on. I love Richard and Tori. But, Brooke is my link to my brother. I never thought of it that way. I am not planning on going anywhere and neither is she so we fall into a pattern. All of us fool around but at night we split up. Sometimes, Tori gets sick of Richard snoring and she flops herself between me and Brooke and sometimes we fool around together. It's really just Brooke being so hot that we can't stop touching her. She is rather soft spoken and innocent sounding. That is what makes her so irresistible. Her freckles are sexy, sprinkled all throughout the curvy hourglass that is her perfect body. Her privates are shaped perfect. Her's is tiny. The lips are symmetrically inverted. It makes a divine shaved little tangy coinslot that I find myself craving
each night more and more. Our sex is the best I've ever had. Brooke and I love to watch Richard pound Tori. We still like to feel him inside us but Brooke is the star of the show. And, our group sex usually just ends up as ganging up on Brooke, with her little innocent looking self. Time flies by. The pool becomes my oasis. I get sick of everybody sometimes especially Tori and just sit by the pool listening to my iPod thingy Richard bought me. I flipped out when somebody scratched my "Pavement" CD. He spoils me rotten. It makes the other girls jealous. They tease me calling me Queen Sissy or Her Majesty. I just tell them to kiss both sides of my butt. We laugh it off. I can tell Tori is competing for Richard's affection and gifts. She wants drugs though. Not things. They start getting more and more into coke. Brooke and I have stopped everything but wine and pot. We were stoned and on the computer and found these herbal cigarettes. We ordered four cartons and quit nicotine. I don't even take Vicodins for bad moods anymore. It feels great. I feel safe. Wine doesn't give me bad hangovers. The pot makes me giggle and snack. I went up another bra size to everyone's joy and amazement. My butt has more jiggle but I'm so much happier. Brooke is the one who talked me into trying it: the wine and pot regiment. It works for me now. Tori is envious but she's too focused on keeping a coke buzz to congratulate me on stopping pills. She and Richard laughed at our fake cigarettes until they tried a whole pack. Richard can't quit smoking. He loves blunts too much. He has Daddy, Shannon, and Terry smoking them now. Moma can't do it, it chokes her out. She keeps begging me and Brooke to go get our hair and nails done saying she will put it on Terry's credit card and he won't care. Brooke and I caved after we realized she was never going to drop it. Plus, my bangs are getting in my eyes. I want a pedicure, too. My feet have gotten used to the concrete around the pool and are rough like Richard's. Brooke calls them "man-feet". We get them gussied up and endure Moma and mall traffic. I show them off in the hot tub to Richard and Tori. We laugh at them and point, saying all they need is to be hairy to be completely manly, even with the neat shade of pink I picked out for the toe polish. Tori is Richard's little lap dog these days. He still spends some time with us. Tori always breaks it up or turns it into sex just to prove to me and Brooke she can control him. The pitiful part is neither of them know Brooke and I are together for good now. We decided. So, she is barking up the wrong tree. We still snuggle and kiss and say I love you but I am afraid I made a big mistake bringing her home. She is a bad influence on Richard. She made him go back to partying, hard. It's starting to show in his face making him less attractive like he used to be. That big nose full of coke night after night wears him down. I knew he and Tori were using downers to go to sleep. For the first time in my life I saw them as pathetic and sad. I didn't say anything. I didn't have to. Tori was up crying and Richard went through a whole pack of pocket tissues trying to stop her nose bleed from too much coke. Richard can fish a string up his nose and pull it down the other side from all the drugs he's done. He bore a hole through his septum. Tori, on the other hand, was more accustomed to pills not powders. The nosebleed scared her straight. She swore off coke. Richard did, too. That lasted three weekends before they scored some from an old source. The dirty cop I blew that time showed up with them late last Saturday night. Brooke and I had gone to bed. Annoying-ass coked up Tori busted into our room and told us to come party. We refused. She turned the light on. Brooke told her to fuck off. She made us get up. As soon as I looked down from the upstairs to the den and saw it was him only he had some blonde bimbo with him this time. I yanked both girls into the bedroom and slammed the door.